


All You Are Is History

by Hideous_Sun_Demon



Category: Designated Survivor (TV)
Genre: Angst, Breakups, Cheating, F/M, Fluff, Hurt and comfort, Slowburn (kinda), The Seth/Emily doesn’t last long don’t worry, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-03-30 03:11:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13941348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hideous_Sun_Demon/pseuds/Hideous_Sun_Demon
Summary: Looking back, perhaps Seth should have seen this coming.It didn’t make it hurt any less.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MeredithBrody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/gifts).



> I just can’t stop hurting poor Seth, now can I?
> 
> Also, if you’re a massive Emily fan, maybe give this one a miss. This does not show her in a very sympathetic light. Although, to be fair, neither does the show.

Even now, at the end of the day, Emily couldn’t stop thinking about Aaron.

She glared down at the mountain of paperwork swallowing up her desk. If she stared at it long enough, Emily hoped, her brain would remember what it was supposed to be focusing on- work. Not the fact that she still hadn’t talked to Aaron about Cuba, or seen him for longer than a few minutes. 

Emily had been there when Aaron had first returned to the White House- all the Senior Staff were there, eager to see him back safe and sound. And he was- looking half-dead from exhaustion, but alive, and safe, and smiling at her. If they had been the only two people in the room, Emily didn’t know what she would have done, what she would have said. Words had been building up behind her lips, straining to burst out of her, but it wasn’t the right time. “I’m glad you’re alright,” she’d said simply instead, as if her heart hadn’t been stuck in her throat ever since she’d first found out he’d been kidnapped. Aaron had smiled deeper at that, their eyes locking for a long moment before Seth stepped forward to wrap Aaron up in a hug.

It was ridiculous- she was being ridiculous. Everything that had happened between her and Aaron was from another time, another place. In the year and a half since their kiss and their almost-date, it was as if everything had been turned on its head, and nothing could go back to the way it was. Especially not them. No, that door was closed, had been for a long time. Truthfully, Emily hadn’t thought much about Aaron for a while. It was only now, with the fear of nearly losing still fresh and stinging, that she realised how much he still meant to her, and all the old emotions she’d been holding down had rushed back like a tidal wave.

What had Aaron said all that time ago? Traumatic events made people reevaluate? Well, he was definitely onto something there.

But no, Emily reminded herself firmly, re-evaluation or not, she couldn’t go dredging up old feelings. Better to just keep up pretences with Aaron, rather than say all the things she wanted to. It was all in the past.

A pang of guilt shot through her as she spied her phone lying on the desk. And then there was Seth. She couldn’t forget him. He’d texted her earlier, asking if she wanted to grab dinner with him.

It might not be Turks and Caicos but you still deserve a break! The message had read. And then, a second later: 

if you want to. I get it if you still want more space

She’d sent off a message agreeing to meet him in half an hour so they could go together. It would be nice. More than anything, it would be a distraction. Emily winced at her own thoughts- ‘distraction’ was not what she should be considering Seth, but she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t true. Seth was easy. He was comfortable. Or at least he had been. Emily could feel herself slamming the brakes on their relationship the last few weeks. She knew how fast Seth could fall in love, and how hard, and she also knew that her feelings weren’t nearly as strong. But Emily couldn’t bring herself to cut him loose. With all the chaos in her life, she needed...something. Something solid to latch onto. And if that something happened to be Seth, well... 

So, Emily was keeping him at arm’s length for now. But dinner, that was something she could manage.

A light knock on the door distracted Emily from her thoughts, and she glanced up with a jerk to see...oh no. Aaron was there, hovering in her doorway. He looked as exhausted as he had that morning, tiredness weighing down his shoulders. Emily couldn’t imagine why he was still here. She could feel her surprise and- elation?- tugging at her features, and she quickly schooled her expression into something more neutral as she went to speak. “You haven’t gone home yet?” 

Aaron smiled, the same gentle quirk of his lips that he’d given her that morning. “I will, soon. Are you busy?”

...Damn it all. Emily could be angry with herself tomorrow.

“No, I’ve nearly wrapped it up here,” she lied. He nodded in satisfaction, slipping fully through into her office and settling down into one of the chairs opposite her. Up close, Emily could make out inky shadows under his eyes, the lines of exhaustion creasing his young face, his disarray of curls. Her heart ached. She couldn’t believe she’d nearly lost him.

“This place brings back memories,” he mused, throwing a glance around the room.

Emily couldn’t help but smirk as she remembered how viciously they’d competed for a place in this office. Back when he was nothing more than a rival. “Do you miss it? Being Chief of Staff?”

Aaron laughed a little. “Honestly? Not really. Believe me, being NSA is no walk in the park, but I’m enjoying the extra decade it’s added back to my life.” His eyes flickered towards her and fixed themselves there. “But,” he continued, voice dropping a fraction, “I actually meant the times we spent in here.”

Emily struggled to keep her emotions from her face. They were playing a dangerous game here, dragging the past up like that. But Aaron had started this, and Emily was never one to shy away from a challenge. She tried out a smile. “Fancy a drink, then?” she asked. “For old time’s sake.”

“For old time’s sake.” Aaron echoed, watching her snag a bottle of scotch and two glasses from her drawer, settling them down on the desk with a clink.

“It’s not as good as the stuff you gave me,” Emily said as she poured out a healthy amount into each glass- after the day they’d had, they needed it- “but it does the job.”

“I can see that,” Aaron teased, eyeing the half empty bottle, and Emily grinned guiltily as she nudged his glass over, crossing over from behind her desk to sit next to him. Emily carefully watched Aaron sip his drink. He still hadn’t given any indication as to why he was here, and until he did, there was no way Emily was going to say any of the thoughts that had been flying around her head for the last few hours. But after everything, sitting in silence didn’t seem like enough, so Emily went for the safest question she could think of.

“How are you doing, Aaron?” Emily couldn’t imagine what the events in Cuba must have been like for him- not that he would have let anything show, of course. Had he been as terrified as Emily had been for him? She remembered when they dragged Hannah Wells in front of the camera and threatened to shoot her if the ransom wasn’t paid. She remembered the relief she felt that it was Hannah and not Aaron. Emily’s chest tightened, and she hurriedly took another drink from her glass.

Aaron sighed, gazing into his glass. “I’m fine. We were lucky, really, that things were settled before anyone got hurt. I have Hannah to thank for that.” His gaze fell heavily upon Emily. “And you.” Aaron set his glass down on the desk and turned to face her fully. “Emily, I....” he trailed off, shaking his head as he swallowed roughly. “I could have died” he continued softly. “And that made me realise that...when I do, I don’t want to have any regrets.”

Emily could feel the breath she was holding in swell in her chest, almost unbearable. But she held it in as she silently let Aaron continue. 

“What happened between us, Emily... I just want you to know that I don’t regret it. I just wish that it had turned out differently. That I’d done things differently. After I left, I just let us drift. I’m sorry.”

Emily’s words were thick in her throat. “That wasn’t your fault, Aaron. I was the one who pushed you away-“

Aaron shook his head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I just want you to know that if we had the chance to start over, I would.” Emily knew her eyes had gone wide, lips parted slightly and trembling with emotions that she had no hope of holding back anymore, and Aaron grimaced and dropped his eyes to the floor.

“No.” This was exactly the sort of thing that Emily had been trying to avoid, but she could just say nothing, not to that. “It does matter. It matters that I pushed you away, and-and that I didn’t trust you, because...” Emily took a deep breath. “Aaron, it took today for me to realise that...letting you go was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

Aaron was frozen, lips parted in silent surprise- he obviously hadn’t expected any sort of confession from her as well. There was a fragile tension between the two of them, neither willing to be the first to break it.

Finally, though, Aaron did, sighing. “Em...you have Seth now. I just...I shouldn’t have come here.”

Emily wondered how she would have felt if it had been Seth taken hostage, if she would have felt the same gut-wrenching terror at the thought of losing him. She didn’t know, but she did know that Seth never made her feel as complete as she did with Aaron now. And right then, Seth wasn’t there with her- Aaron was. Just as it should be.

Aaron rose from his chair, and Emily mirrored him, reaching out to stop him from moving. He froze at her touch, looking up at her with guarded eyes. Emily felt as though she should say something, but all the words she’d wanted to say were gone- all she could focus on was that Aaron was here, alive, with her.

Before she even realised what she was doing, Emily leaned forward, and they were kissing. Under her touch, she could feel Aaron stiffen in surprise, but slowly, slowly, he melted into it, kissing her back just as fiercely. Even after all this time, everything about it felt achingly familiar. Emily couldn’t believe they’d wasted this much time away from each other. She lifted her other hand up to brush through Aaron’s wild curls, pulling him closer. She couldn’t believe she’d been such a fool, Emily reflected dazedly- she’d nearly let Aaron out of her life completely.

A shuffling of noise from the direction of her door broke the spell, and as Emily pulled back to cast a glance at what had caused it, she sprung back from Aaron with a curse. Seth was there, face stricken as he drank in the scene unfolding before him. Fuck, he was early. Seth swivelled his head from her to Aaron and then back again, a jerky movement, eyes wide and bright with betrayal. “Seth-“ was all Emily could make before her boyfriend took a step back, shaking his head wordlessly. He turned on his heel, and Emily watched him disappear out of sight down the hall. Instinctively she turned to Aaron, but he had turned away, entire frame vibrating with tension. He had his fist pressed against his mouth, as if it were a bleeding wound. 

Emily squeezed her eyes shut. This wasn’t supposed to happen- she’d stayed away from Aaron for a reason. But now it was as though everything she’d so carefully built up around her was crumbling- her carefully concealed feelings for Aaron, her relationship with Seth, they’d all come tumbling down in the space of a minute.

Aaron wasn’t saying anything. Emily didn’t either- there wasn’t anything to say after that. She let her gaze linger on him for a second longer before forcing her feet to move, and Emily followed Seth’s footsteps from her office and out into the corridors,


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seth’s POV this time. I’ll be alternating between him and Emily.

Seth fiddled with his phone, flipping it back and forth between his hands as he paced the corridor outside his office. At this hour, with the hallways mercifully sparse and free from the constant thrum of noise and commotion that made up a day in the White House, they were a good place to think- and that’s exactly what Seth needed. 

He snuck a furtive glance down at his phone screen, eyeing the text bubble conversation with Emily with thinned lips. He half expected another message to have appeared, saying that she’d changed her mind about dinner. But no, the texts were the same as the last 20 times he’d checked. Seth stuffed the phone into his pocket with a huff, rolling his eyes at himself. Fretting over a date like some lovelorn teenager wasn’t an attractive quality, especially in a forty year old man, but Seth couldn’t help it. His last conversation with Emily had left him feeling antsy.

So maybe Turks and Caicos wasn’t the best call, although Seth wouldn’t deny that they both needed a break. They’d been running on empty for longer than he could remember, and things had only gotten worse since the First Lady’s death. Emily was right, though- after the accident, they’d barely spent a night apart. It had been about closeness, those first few weeks, about the simple comfort of having someone to hold. Emily had been a wreck, only managing to hold it all together until they’d reached the safety of her apartment. Seth had never seen her so unravelled before, never had her need him so desperately. And if he was being honest, at that moment he’d needed her as well.

Seth remembered seeing the President for the first time after the news reached them. He looked as though he’d been stripped bare of what made him a person, more of an empty shell than a man. Nobody wanted to be alone after that.

With another twitch of restlessness, Seth checked his phone again, now to check the time. There was still 15 minutes until they’d agreed to meet, but he may as well head over then. He could steal Emily’s alcohol and distract her from her work until she jokingly tried to kick him out, just like the good old days. It was better than driftingly aimlessly around the corridors, at any rate. 

Maybe this whole idea was a mistake? Emily had said that their whole relationship had been moving too far, too fast, and his response to that had been to invite her out to dinner? Seriously? But- no, Emily had agreed to go. She was perfectly capable of setting her own boundaries. He needed to stop overanalysing this. Get a grip, Wright! Still, if there was anything in Seth’s life that deserved to be overthought, it was what he had with Emily. Seth couldn’t risk screwing this up. Emily was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. She was everything he should love- whip-smart, passionate, gorgeous. The idea had always danced in the back of Seth’s mind, but he’d never imaged them- together, really together- being a reality. That is, until that night when he’d found himself rambling on about bread, and water, and god knows what else, stopped only by the gentle press of Emily’s lips against his.

The thought of their first kiss calmed Seth’s rampaging thoughts, and he couldn’t help the smile that snuck across his lips as he remembered it. He treasured those moments, ones where Emily allowed herself to show vulnerability. They were few and far between nowadays- Seth knew that she’d been building up walls around herself since becoming Chief of Staff. There were some days where she felt almost like a stranger. But in those quiet moments, Seth got to see the Emily from before. The Emily from after the bombing, who he’d bonded with amidst all the chaos. The Emily he’d found himself falling in love with.

And, perhaps, would be the night they got back to that. Having dinner together would give them the chance to really talk. They could get everything out on the table. If Emily really felt like she needed to take a step back, well, Seth could accept that. It would hurt like hell, but he would understand. But Seth couldn’t crush the bright spark of optimism flaring up inside. After everything they’d been through in the last two years, surely they could weather this.

Seth practised his best debonair grin as he closed in on Emily’s office. Hey, he wasn’t above using his natural charms to smooth things along. It must have helped to get Emily to fall for him in the first place, after all, since it apparently wasn’t his sparkling wit. Honestly, none of these people would know a good joke if it hit them in the- oh.

Oh.

Emily and Aaron pulled apart barely a second after he came through the door, but Seth had seen enough- he was pretty sure that image had been burnt into his retinas. His girlfriend kissing his best friend. No, not just kissing- they were practically melded together. Seth couldn’t stop replaying it; Emily with her fingers tangled in Aaron’s hair, her hand resting on his bicep, pulling him closer. She had looked enthralled, as though in that moment Aaron was the only thing in her world.

“Seth.” 

Emily’s voice, soft as it was, cut like glass. She may as well have slapped him. She was flushed scarlet, gripping the edge of her desk with bone-white knuckles, and in that moment Seth felt repelled by the very sight of her. Seth’s eyes swivelled to Aaron, but his friend- his best friend!- couldn’t even do him the decency of looking him in the eye. Back to Emily, whose eyes were imploring as she gazed straight at him. It was the same look she’d given him when she’d told him she’d advised the President to fire him. Seth felt sick.

He couldn’t even choke any words out. Seth just shook his head as he backed away, taking off down the corridor, to anywhere that wasn’t that office. He could feel his face burning as he went. Of course- of fucking course- the day he tried to properly mend things between them was the day that he walked in on Emily cheating on him. He couldn’t expect the one good thing in his life to actually stay, now could he? This was so...so...

So obvious. Seth felt all the air leave him, and he wilted like a punctured balloon. It really was too obvious, all of this. He wasn’t oblivious, and he had a working pair of eyes. Right from beginning, there had been a connection between Emily and Aaron, a crackling chemistry. He’d spent most of the first six months after they’d started working together expecting to walk in on them making out against a wall- all that pent up tension had to be leading somewhere. But then Aaron left- and Seth didn’t know all the details there, neither Aaron nor Emily had ever wanted to talk about it- but he could pick up enough to figure that whatever they’d had was over. He guessed he was wrong.

Echoing behind him was the frantic thump of footsteps against carpet, and Seth clenched his jaw. Still, despite himself, he felt himself slowing a fraction, enough to let Emily catch up to him with ease. The thud of her steps halted, but Seth held fast, eyes fixed fast ahead of him even as his strides lessened, weighed down by Emily’s presence behind him.

“Wait. Please.”

Finally, Seth felt his strides grind to a stop. He’d had his moment of panic before, but he wasn’t going to turn tail and run from this- he liked to think he wasn’t quite that pathetic, even if every iota of his being was howling at him to keep walking and not look back. He felt rusted in place, creaking in protest as he resignedly swivelled to face his girlfr- no. Seth didn’t know what to call her anymore. Emily still looked a mess of horror and humiliation, so different from her usual uncrackable sheen of composure, and Seth found himself grateful that she’d at least given him that. 

“That shouldn’t have happened,” she managed, voice unsteady. “It was a mistake, all of it, I’m so sorry. I....” she trailed off as Seth raised his eyebrows at her, incredulous, silent. She ducked her chin, eyes burning holes into the carpet. Shame looked good on her, Seth decided. “Please just say something,” she finished, almost a whisper.

Seth was silent for a long moment. Then, with a heavy exhale he ran a hand across his mouth, shaking his head again. “This explains a lot,” he said. “Not just the trip- the distance you keep putting between us, you not being sure about what this is. I thought you weren’t sure about a relationship.” Seth’s smile felt dead on his lips. “Turns out you just weren’t sure about it being with me.”

“That’s not what this is,” Emily interjected, eyes clearer now as she looked at him. “What happened with Aaron- I hadn’t planned it, neither of us had. I wasn’t-“

“-thinking. Right.” Seth wanted to be angry, but all he could feel was a gaping chasm slowly tearing apart his chest, swallowing up everything else. He had to look away. “Is that what you were doing when you kissed me?” he asked quietly, “Not thinking?”

“Seth-“

“No, Emily, I’m looking for an explanation here, because I’m just trying to understand,” Seth bit out. “Was I doing something wrong? I just-“ He winced as his voice broke. “I just want to know why.”

Emily nodded tightly, shooting a cursory glance around them. Right- they were in the White House, after all. In the rush of emotion, Seth had forgotten they were standing smack dab in the middle of an open corridor. There was nobody around, but Emily’s voice still dropped low as she spoke. 

“We weren’t- we aren’t- working, Seth. We’ve both known it, for a while now.”

And, yeah, Seth hadn’t been delusional enough to think that they’re relationship had been all smooth sailing- he wasn’t forgetting Emily’s accusations of him demanding special treatment from her anytime soon, or when she’d recommended that he be fired- but he’d at least thought they were both prepared to put their all in and try to push through the problems. Apparently he was wrong about that as well. Seth was wrong about a lot of things, it seemed.

Finally, through a crack in the wall of dull hurt that had built up in him, a tendril of hot anger snaked out. “And If you’d wanted us to be over, you could have just told me! But instead you- you go and kiss Aaron before you even jump ship?” Seth snapped his mouth shut as another surge of poisonous hurt flooded through him. The image was back: Emily and Aaron, Aaron and Emily. Emily betraying him like this was bad enough, but for Aaron to be a part of it? That hurt almost just as much. 

“All I wanted was for you to be honest with me,” Seth said, “and you couldn’t even do that.” 

Emily’s eyes were shadowed as she nodded mechanically at his words. “You’re right,” she murmured, “you’re right. And you have the right to be angry.” Seth scoffed. They stood in stormy silence, letting the events of the night properly wash over them, soaking to the bone. Seth was of half a mind to just walk away without saying another word, when Emily spoke up again.

“So, what happens now?” She sounded flat, deflated. She sounded how Seth felt.

“Now?” Seth huffed humourlessly. “Nothing happens now. We’re done, Em.” He felt the truth of those words as soon as they left his mouth. This wasn’t something he could move past, Not now, not ever. This was how he scraped the last dregs of his trampled dignity off the floor. Emily’s face was inscrutable as she nodded, but there was something that looked suspiciously like relief flickering in her eyes. It left a bitter taste in Seth’s mouth.

Now he was ready to leave. Seth turned away without ceremony, not uttering a word as he began to stalk away, but Emily’s voice cut through the air once again, stopping him in his tracks.

“This can’t cause any problems at work,” Emily warned. 

Seth wanted to laugh in her face. She was the only one causing problems around here. But, she was right. They couldn’t afford any squabbling, not with the chaos they’d been fighting through in the last ten weeks. And definitely not with the President in the state he was in. 

“Don’t worry,” he replied tersely. “I can be professional.”

Seth didn’t bother to turn and see, but he hoped Emily had read through to his thinly veiled accusation. All hesitation had been abandoned as he walked away, not giving a second glance back. His phone, weighing down his pocket, felt as heavy as it had earlier that evening, acting as a painful reminder. Seth had dinner reservations to cancel.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is finally done!
> 
> There was meant to be a lot more Aaron in this chapter, but Lyor took over and refused to leave, so...next time.

Emily cut through the halls of the West Wing armed with a plus sized cup of coffee, bearing it in front of her like a shield. Caffeine was the only thing holding her up after a night spent staring distractedly at the stains on her ceiling. In a fit of indulgent self pity she’d considered just calling in sick that morning, but her inner workaholic had beaten that urge into submission. The White House didn’t stop running for anything, even the most disastrous fumble in her romantic life to date.

Emily honestly wasn’t sure what to expect with Seth. He’d been angry last night- and that still stung, the memory of his eyes flashing with such hurt fury- but she could only hope he’d been able to cool off overnight. He’d promised to keep things professional, but Emily knew that was far easier said than done, especially when they had no choice but to work close together. It was so much easier after her falling out with Aaron all those months ago- he’d left for Hookstraten before the tiptoeing around became unbearable.

Left just like he did last night. Emily sighed as she remembered. Despondent, she’d made her way back to her office after Seth had stormed off only to find it empty, a half empty glass of scotch left behind on the desk like an apology. It bothered Emily. She’d wanted to- not talk, she had been in too far over her head with emotion to talk then, but to have just known that after everything, she wasn’t completely alone. Would he avoid her today as well? Seth certainly seemed to be- he’d brushed past her during the Morning Brief as if she was a ghost, and she hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him since. If it wasn’t for their meeting in the morning, she’d have suspected that he’d done what she’d wanted to do and taken the day off. Now she could only wonder if he would avoid her the rest of the day as well.

Emily wouldn’t have to wonder much longer, it seemed, as she could make out the familiar forms of Seth and Lyor making their way towards her from the left. Lyor was talking Seth’s ear off about something and Seth’s face was pulled into the familiar expression of befuddlement and grim resignation that meant Lyor was being particularly nutty that day. It almost brought a smile to Emily’s face- how often had they shared that look while listening to the political advisor together?- but when she saw the way Seth’s eyes deliberately slid over her, the feeling dimmed.

“Kendra,” he greeted instead, and Emily turned to see the lawyer approaching from the other side. Emily felt a bit of tension unfurl inside her. At least with others around there would be a buffer against the awkwardness. Kendra looked distracted, balancing a heap of files under one arm, but she still took the time to smile back at Seth. “Hey,” she replied. “I’m filing those forms you asked for,” she said, to Emily this time. “You’re all still dealing with the Cuba fallout?”

“Looks like,” Emily sighed. “The press are still going to want more details. Seth, I looked over your follow up statements-“

“I know.”

“I made a few changes-“

“I saw.”

“Well- good.” Emily finished lamely. “They’ll be expecting them now.”

“I know my schedule, Emily.” Emily bit her lip. Apparently the buffer was not working. Lyor and Kendra’s eyes were ricocheting between them as if they were watching a tennis match, trying and failing to hide their curiosity. It would be so easy, Emily realised, for Seth to just spill everything now, right there in front of the other two. She could practically see it happening in her mind’s eye.

“Hey guys,” Seth would say, “you want to know what I walked in on Emily and Aaron doing last night? You want to know what kind of a person your boss really is?”

He’d never do it, of course- Seth wasn’t the sort to cause a scene, no matter how pissed off he was, but knowing that didn’t stop the irrational wave of panic that rose up within her at the thought. Emily locked eyes with Seth demandingly, not letting him look away again. Please, she tried to convey silently, hoping her eyes spoke for her. Please don’t say anything. That, more than anything, would be unbearable: everyone knowing. Everyone judging.

A silent understanding passed between them, clear as day on Seth’s face. With a final quiet word with Lyor he split off from the group in the direction of the press room, throwing Kendra a half hearted, cursory smile as he went. Kendra’s eyes followed his retreating figure with a hint of concern before snapping back down to the bundle of papers in her arms. “I need to...” she said, nodding down at the files, and Emily smiled reflexively as she bustled off as well.

Which left her alone with Lyor. Never a fun position to be in. As they continued walking down the hall she could feel his gaze boring into her, and Emily took a long sip off her coffee, willing the caffeine to give her the strength to deal with whatever was coming.

Lyor didn’t waste any time. “Trouble in paradise?”

Emily wasn’t going to entertain whatever whim of his this was. Her personal life with Seth was exactly that- personal- and she didn’t need Lyor prying. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied plainly.

She could practically hear his eyes rolling, and she definitely heard the little sigh that meant Lyor was switching into lecture-mode. Emily braced herself.

“When couples enter the same space, they tend to mirror each other’s movements, position themselves in the same direction. They don’t even think about it, it’s all subconscious. And they’ll look at each other too, even if they don’t say anything. But you and Seth,” Lyor pointedly peered down at her over his glasses, “you’ve been out of sync since the morning brief- the signals are all off.”

Emily directed a long, hard stare at the Political advisor. “How is it that you know so much about human behaviour and yet are incapable of using any of it to socialise like a normal human being?”

Lyor sniffed, affronted. “I don’t need to bother with etiquette if I’m going to get my way anyway. And I always do, because I’m always right. Besides, you don’t need to be an expert in behavioural psychology to see that you and Seth are having problems. Case in point, the conversation you just had.”

“Has anyone ever told you that your interest in other people’s business is invasive?”

He chuckled. “Yes. You, I believe, on multiple occasions. Though you tend to favour the word creepy.”

“I stand by that.”

“Stop changing the subject.”

Emily shook her head, feeling like a dog shaking off fleas. Except this flea was being particularly stubborn. “You cannot expect me to believe that you actually care about my relationship with Seth,” she sighed. Lyor was many things, but sensitive was not one of them, and she couldn’t imagine he was asking all this with altruistic intent. Either he was digging out of perverse curiosity, or there was some ulterior motive up his sleeve.

“Mm, you’re right, I don’t,” Lyor concurred, inclining his head. “What I do care about is our work.” Emily nearly snorted- there it was, the real reason he was asking. “This administration is a ship, and if a ship springs leaks...”

“...It sinks,” Emily finished. “Got it.” They were back at her office, Lyor trailing her the whole way. Emily dropped into her chair and set her half empty coffee cup down, hoping that he would take the hint, but he simply perched on the arm of the chair opposite with an infuriating air of stubbornness. He nodded enthusiastically as she ran with his stupid ship metaphor- and what was it with this guy and boat analogies anyway?- but his expression was grim. “Right now, when I see Seth, I see a leak,” he said, and Emily dropped her gaze, guilt pouring in as fresh as ever.

“He’s been walking around all day like a...a kicked puppy. And kicked puppies don’t make good Press Secretaries. Besides,” Lyor snorted, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “his moping is very loud, and it’s becoming extremely distracting.”

That caught Emily’s attention. “Loud? Has he said anything? Or-“ an even more horrifying thought flashed across her mind. “God, he hasn’t been crying, has he?”

Lyor’s eyebrows crept steadily towards his hairline. “...No, although your confidence in his emotional stability is touching,” he replied sarcastically. “He’s barely said anything, actually. It’s his silence that’s so loud. You can-“ Lyor gestured wildly around his head, “you can practically hear him stewing in his thoughts. So I ask again, what’s the trouble?”

Emily drummed her fingers restlessly against the desk’s wooden surface. Really, there was no point in hiding their break up. Everybody would know about it eventually, and it would be better to get ahead of it now before people started drawing their own conclusions. It didn’t mean she was happy about it though- everything was happening so fast. It was only yesterday that she’d been contemplating- weakly, but still- taking a holiday with Seth, and now it was all over.

Because of her, a voice in her brain piped up. She couldn’t forget that.

“Look, we broke up, alright?” Emily forced out with a scowl. A scowl that only darkened when she saw the way that Lyor’s face positively lit up at her words. 

“Oh!” he exclaimed, “Well, that’s a relief!”

“A relief? What’s that supposed to mean?” Lyor must have read the danger on her face because he hastily schooled his features into something a little less blatantly gleeful- for once, taking her advice on acting like a normal person. 

Lyor hummed, twisting his lips as he tried to think of the best way to phrase his next words. “Your relationship,” he explained, “the Chief of Staff dating her subordinate? It was a disaster waiting to happen. It just doesn’t look good- implications of nepotism, the risk of abuse of power-“ Emily opened her mouth to protest but Lyor powered on, oblivious. “-This saves us a lot of trouble in the long run.”

And, well, Emily knew that. She’d always known that dating Seth put her in an uncomfortable position- she’d told him so herself. Still, Lyor was far off base with his insinuations. Abuse of power? She was almost insulted. Although she supposed he wasn’t completely wrong about nepotism- not from her, but Seth had certainly seemed to expect it. So, yeah, Emily supposed there’d been problems from the start. She just hadn’t wanted to see them, or deal with them.

Lyor’s voice broke through her thoughts, reminding Emily that he was still there. “Seth will get over it, right?” A faint trace of worry tinged his words, the smug satisfaction from before now completely wiped off his face. “I mean, you seem fine.” Emily swallowed, fiddling with a stray pen- anything to not look Lyor directly in the eye. She was afraid he’d be able to read the guilt buried just below the surface of her composure. 

“...you are fine, aren’t you?” Her friend’s voice was soft, almost hesitant. Emily forced herself to look up, and she couldn’t help but smile at his face, taut with discomfort as he realised he’d roped himself into a conversation about emotions. Not exactly his forte.

“I’m- yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Emily lied. “But I...honestly, Lyor, I don’t know how Seth’s gonna be.”

His eyes narrowed. “What happened?”

That was a good question. What had happened? Emily had been in control- as much control as she’d been able to wrangle, anyway- and then she’d spun into complete chaos. All because of Aaron-goddamn-Shore. “It was- I messed up. And I don’t know how it happened, and there were a lot of other factors leading up to it, and....I don’t even know why I’m talking to you about this.” She slammed the pen she was playing with back onto the desk.

Lyor raised a jaunty eyebrow. “Why not? I’ve been married for six years, I might have some advice.”

“Oh yes, to the wife who you’ve seen, what, once in all that time?”

“And yet we’re still together. What do you say to that?”

Emily snorted, a smirk toying at her lips despite her low mood. “I say you should stop moonlighting as a relationship counsellor and get back to your real job. You know, the one funded by taxpayer dollars?”

Lyor flashed her a crooked smile as he slid off the am of her chair. Finally sensing that his interrogation was well and truly over, he slipped out the door with a murmured goodbye. Emily’s gaze fixed itself on the chair he’d been perching on. It was the same one that Aaron had been sitting in last night. 

“Damnit.” She dropped her face into her hands. She knew exactly why she’d told Lyor everything she did. She desperately wanted to talk about this whole mess with someone. No- not just someone, and certainly not Lyor. She peered out at the vacant chair again through the cracks in her fingers. She wanted to speak to one person in particular.

...

That thought was still festering in her mind a couple of hours later when she stepped into the elevator. Right up until she was snapped out of it by a voice calling out, “hold it!” On autopilot, she stuck her arm out to stop the doors from closing, preparing a polite smile for whoever it was joining her.

“Thanks- Oh.”

Aaron froze like a deer in the headlights as they locked eyes. After a few paralysing seconds, Emily dropped her arm, moving aside to give Aaron room to reluctantly join her in the elevator. They stood side by side in awkward silence, Aaron making a show of concentrating on hitting the button for the right floor. Inside, Emily was close to screaming.

Alright, this was ridiculous. Emily was all too familiar with this song and dance, and she was getting sick of it.

“You left last night,” Emily said, breaching the silence. “I got back to my office and you were gone.”

She felt rather than saw Aaron stiffen beside her. “Emily...” he warned.

“No, no, Aaron, we aren’t doing this again,” she countered, lightning fast. “We- we can’t just avoid each other and pretend nothing happened. And then- what? Wait another year and a half to deal with what happened?” Aaron looked half tempted by the idea, but Emily shook her head. “No,” she repeated. “We kissed, okay? We need to face it like adults.”

Aaron opened his mouth, closed it again, and then sighed. “Okay,” he conceded. “You’re right.” Another beat of silence. “You talked to Seth?”

“Yeah, I caught him before he left.”

“He’s angry.” It wasn’t a question, but Emily answered anyway.

“He is. Of course he is.” 

Aaron nodded, jaw tight. “Emily, last night we made a mistake-“

Emily couldn’t help but feel those words like a punch in the gut- it was the same thing she told Seth, but coming from Aaron they sounded different. “A mistake,” she echoed.

“I- yes, a mistake!” That caught Aaron off-guard, and he turned to face her incredulously. “Don’t you think so?”

Emily scrambled to find the right words for what she was trying to say. “I was the one dating Seth. I made a mistake. But you- I want to know if it was a mistake for you.”

Aaron averted his eyes. “Seth is my friend,” he said stiffly. “I betrayed him.”

“That didn’t seem to bother you when you were kissing me last night,” Emily murmured. Aaron’s tongue darted across his lips, and he shifted apprehensively as Emily edged closer. She sighed, now only an inch away from him.

“I understand that you feel bad, Aaron. I feel terrible,” Emily sighed. “But, listen- I think I’ve lost Seth, okay? Maybe for good. I can’t...I can’t lose you too.” Her heart was thumping almost out of her chest. “Like you said,” she whispered, “no regrets.” She was fixated on the uncertain fluttering of Aaron’s eyelashes. “Please.”

Emily tipped her head back to really look at him, reading the mess of emotions flying across his face. Aaron swallowed as he looked down at her, seemed to lean in slightly, closer, closer-

The elevator dinged, loud enough to give Emily a near-heart attack, and they sprang apart to a respectable distance as the doors once again slid open. Aaron cleared his throat, nodding curtly at the gaggle of junior staffers stuffing themselves into the elevator with them. Emily sucked in a defeated breath, the little spark of hope that had flared up inside her quashed as suddenly as if she’d doused with water. That had been their one chance, she felt, to get things on track. One chance- and now the moment was lost.

She sombrely watched the steady blinking of the numbers as the elevator ascended, level by level. It seemed like an age before the doors slid open again, and as the others filed out into the corridor, Aaron shot her an awkward sideways glance. “This is me, so,” he muttered. Emily nodded soundlessly. There was a lag in his step as he walked out, and Emily watched him turn to face her as the door dragged closed again.

In an instant, the doors stuttered to a stop- there was an arm wedged between them, not hers this time. Emily watched wide eyed as the doors parted to reveal Aaron, eyes bright with earnest determination.

“Okay.” 

Emily blinked. Had she misheard him? “What?”

Aaron levelled her with a steady gaze. “Okay,” he repeated. “Dinner, you and I, tomorrow night. We can talk.”

With the barest hint of a smile, he withdrew his arm. Emily held his gaze until he was obscured from view, allowing a sharp exhale of relief to escape her once the doors were well and truly closed.

“Alright,” she said into the empty elevator. “It’s a date.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to the readers who were excited about Emily and Aaron’s dinner date- this is a Seth chapter! That will all come next chapter, don’t worry.

Through the glass panel of the vending machine, a muesli bar dangled precariously from its slot, refusing to fall no matter how many times Seth pressed the button. Seth glared at it- if vending machines could express emotions, he’d be certain this one had a particular vendetta against him. You’d think that the White House of all places would be able to provide its staff with working facilities, he thought sourly. Taking a measured breath to ease his growing impatience, Seth gave the machine a sharp rap with the heel of his palm, and the machine finally relinquished his snack with a tired splutter.

“Oh, stop complaining,” he snapped as he snatched the muesli bar from the dispersal tray. Its artificial backlights glared at him in return. Releasing his frustration on a vending machine wasn’t ideal, but he took what he could get. “Useless piece of-“

“Being a little harsh, don’t you think?” a laughing voice rang out behind him, and Seth turned to see Kendra watching him with a raised eyebrow. Seth couldn’t help but brighten up a little when he saw her- Kendra tended to have that effect on people when she walked in the room.

“The machine started it,” he said, giving it one final glare. “I’m just putting it in its place.”

Kendra laughed a little, shaking her head. “I was hoping I’d see you in here,” she said as she busied herself making up a cup of instant coffee. Seth winced as he watched her bypass the sugar packets- Seth needed at least three sugars in his coffee to be able to get it down, but Kendra apparently preferred her caffeine hit to feel like a punch in the face. She levelled him with a curious stare as she stirred a tiny splash of milk in. “You’ve been a hard man to find.”

Seth shrugged apologetically, swallowing his mouthful of oat and raisin. “Busy couple of days, you know how it is. Someone has to make sure the press don’t storm the castle.” That was a decent sounding excuse, and Kendra seemed to buy it. Technically it wasn’t even a lie- the chaos from the hostage situation in Cuba hadn’t quite calmed down yet, and if that meant Seth barely had any time to run into Emily, well, that was just a happy coincidence. While Seth hadn’t actively been trying to make himself scarce to anyone else other than Emily, avoiding the Chief of Staff for the last two days tended to mean having to be cut off from everyone, what with the way Emily micromanaged her staff. Seth hadn’t talked to anybody except the press since the morning brief- a pretty impressive feat if he did say so himself. “Sorry, I didn’t realise you were looking for me. Something you need?”

Seth couldn’t imagine why Kendra would be searching him out. He didn’t often cross paths with White House Counsel professionally, and if there were legal issues brewing concerning Communications, he was pretty sure he would have caught wind of it before now. And Kendra certainly wouldn’t be discussing it in the break room. His confusion faded with a shake of Kendra’s head as she realised the misunderstanding. 

“No, no, this isn’t work related. I’ve just noticed you’ve seemed a little...tense recently. You okay?” As much as Seth desperately wanted to avoid the subject of his well-being, he appreciated the concern, especially when it came from Kendra. But he had a feeling that opening up to her would end with him spilling everything, so Seth simply shrugged again.

“I’m fine,” he said with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Just a rough week, you know?”

“Tell me about it,” she sighed, “everybody’s a little out of sorts since Cuba. Still,” Kendra continued, and her piercing gaze made Seth feel like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar- perhaps his half-lie wasn’t so convincing after all- “I was thinking more about you and Emily.”

“Why would you say that?” Seth stalled.

“This morning was a bit awkward.”

“What? No. It wasn’t awkward. Nothing was awkward. How was it awkward?” Seth found himself spluttering, God, and he called himself the Press Secretary.

Kendra stared. “...Well, that convinced me.”

Seth winced internally. ‘Awkward’ was a generous description for how the morning brief had gone. Everything had been running smoothly, with only a little noticeable stiffness between him and Emily, before Aaron had made an unexpected appearance to brief the President on something Seth was by then too distracted to recall now. Aaron showing up was an unusual situation, made worse by the fact that none of the three of them could look each other in the eye. The tension in the room had been palpable. Even the President, who sometimes still wasn’t quite all there after ten weeks since his wife’s death, seemed to pick up on the vibe of unease.

It might not have been so bad if Seth didn’t catch the furtive smile Emily had sent Aaron’s way as they left. He was very deliberately trying not to dwell on that too much.

“Look, it’s not a big deal,” Seth relented reluctantly. “It’s just...Emily and I broke up, alright? So things are a bit dicey between us. But it’s all fine, really.”

Kendra’s expression collapsed into one of warm sympathy. “Oh, Seth, I’m sorry,” she said. Seth gave a forced half-smile, taking the last bite of his muesli bar to spare him from answering for a moment.

“Like I said,” Seth replied as he threw the balled up wrapper into the trash, “it’s fine.”

“Breakups are never ‘fine,’” Kendra scoffed. As she said it a glimmer of mischief lit up her eyes, and she leaned forward conspiratorially. “You should have told me before. If there’s one thing I know about,” she declared, “it’s messy breakups. And I’ve perfected the cure.”

“Oh yeah?” Seth asked, smile starting to feel a little more genuine. “What’s that?”

“Alcohol. And company.”

Seth blinked. Not what he’d expected from straight-laced Kendra Daynes. The more he got to know Kendra as a person rather than just a colleague, the more he felt himself warming to her.

“Trust me, all bad situations look better after a few cocktails,” Kendra continued. “So what do you say? Fancy drowning those sorrows away with me tonight?”

Alcohol and company. Seth had already tried the first part of that equation, to no avail. He’d been rather lacking in the second, but maybe that was the key. Hanging out with Kendra definitely sounded better than being a sad sack alone at home. Going out might distract him from dwelling on that smile Emily had given Aaron- not that he was thinking about that. Absolutely not. That was the last thing on his mind.

...Man, Seth couldn’t even lie to himself convincingly. He really needed to work on that.

“You make a compelling argument,” Seth said, pretending to mull it over as if he wasn’t willing to drop everything and leave with her right then and there. “Alright, you’ve convinced me.”

“I always do,” Kendra sing-songed. “So, barring one of our regularly scheduled disasters-“ Seth rolled his eyes, it’d be just their luck- “I’ll see you tonight.” 

Seth nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

“You won’t disappear on me again?”

He chuckled, “I’ll be here, don’t worry.”

“Good.” Kendra beamed brilliantly over the rim of her coffee. Seth ducked his head- being the target of that smile felt like being illuminated by the sun. It was hard to feel worthy of a smile like that. Seth took a moment to weight up the pros and cons of staying and hiding in the break room with Kendra versus actually doing his job, but despite how tempting the first option was, self-discipline eventually won out.

“I better head off, then,” Seth said, nodding towards the open door, and Kendra waved him off.

“Yes, go,” she exclaimed. “Go be busy. Fend off the vultures.”

Seth left the room with a grin on his face and, dare he say it, a spring in his step. He felt like he could ride this unexpected wave of positive energy right through to the end of the day. That feeling was promptly snuffed out, however, when he caught sight of Emily at the other end of the corridor. They only locked eyes for a second, but it was enough to make the hole in Seth’s chest gape open again.

Alcohol and company, he reminded himself. That’s what would get him through.

...

The end of the day couldn’t come soon enough. Seth flew from his office as soon as he could get away with it. He’d been praying the whole day that nothing serious would come up and force them all to work another late night, but luck seemed to be on his side for once, and everyone had been allowed to clock out at a reasonable hour. 

Waiting by the exit up ahead, Seth spied Kendra’s head of chocolate locks, and he sped up to reach her. She heard his approach and spun around with a grin.”There you are!”

“Hey, Kendra,” he greeted, his answering smile faltering a fraction as he saw who was standing beside the lawyer. “....and Lyor.” The man in question inclined his head in greeting. “Lyor is also here.”

“He sure is,” Kendra said with a put-upon tone, though its edges were softened by a hint of the inexplicable fondness she seemed to have for Lyor. “He invited himself, as a matter of fact.”

Of course he did. 

“We ready to go?” Lyor asked, looking between the two of them expectantly. Seth gave Kendra a subtle, helpless shrug.

“Uh...Yep. Yeah. Let’s go.” Lyor didn’t seem to register the reluctance in Seth’s tone, or he simply didn’t care. It wasn’t that Seth didn’t want to spend time with Lyor, exactly- after a few months of knowing him, Seth could grudgingly admit that the guy’s company was actually surprisingly enjoyable- but Seth had been looking forward to hanging out with Kendra. It felt like high time to properly get to know her, especially considering how kind she’d been to him recently.

Except he could still do that with Lyor there. So why did Seth still feel disappointed?

Seth shook the thought away, tuning back into the conversation as they walked out to Kendra’s car. He instantly regretted it as he caught the tail end of whatever Lyor was rambling about.

“...of course, people everywhere seem to enjoy getting drunk. Did you know that teachers in Siberia were paid wth bottles of vodka during the 90’s?”

“Can’t believe that’s true,” Seth muttered as Kendra muffled a laugh behind her hand. Lyor ignored him. Behind Lyor’s back where they were trailing, Kendra met Seth’s gaze. ‘Sorry,’ she mouthed, eyes twinkling. Seth just shook his head. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he mouthed back.

Kendra knew exactly where she was driving- their destination was the go-to bar for the government worker bees of Washington DC, and she was apparently already very well acquainted. Seth had spent far more time here as a lowly speechwriter, back when he actually had time to have a life, and it was just the same as he remembered it. Seth slid gratefully into the quiet humming atmosphere of the bar. It was easy to forget your worries, even for a little bit, in a place like this.

They all squeezed around a table in one of the quieter corners, Seth with his whiskey and Kendra with a scotch and soda. Lyor had opted for a mojito- “very popular in Cuba,” he’d said with a smirk.

“Morbid, much?” Kendra had commented with a wrinkled nose. Lyor just laughed.

They filled the air with casual conversation, Seth and Kendra sharing grins over their glasses as they listened to Lyor wax poetic about the NASA program, and the two men nodding in sympathy as Kendra bemoaned the stresses of being the White House Counsel- “Nobody listens to me, I swear! Even though you know you’d all be lost causes without me...”

Keeping his mind off everything that happened was proving harder than Seth had hoped. Light chatter was nice, but it wasn’t a great distraction, and he would eventually find his thoughts slipping back to other things. Like theorising over what Emily was so happy about that morning, and what it had to do with Aaron. And that was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about. Occasionally the topic would drift into their personal lives- Seth clammed up pretty fast then, but he listened with keen interest to whatever snippets Kendra shared. She really was quite an interesting person, Seth decided, even when talking about her cat.

“...I’d get another, but then I’d be fulfilling the single-woman stereotype,” she finished her story with a roll of her eyes.

That caught Seth’s attention. “Wait, you’re actually single?” Wow, that was a surprise. Seth had sort of assumed that someone like Kendra- someone who actually had their life together- would have found somebody by now.

Kendra ducked her head. “Sure am,” she said, voice losing a bit of the levity it sported before. Lyor, who had seemed to lose interest up until then, jumped in before Seth could say anything else.

“Cats are awful creatures anyway. Have you considered betta fish? Incredibly low-maintenance, and if you ever get sick of them you can just let them eat each other.” And just like that, they moved on.

Seth drifted in and out of the conversation as the night went on and as the number of empty glasses in front of him steadily increased. By his third glass of whiskey, he would only interject every few minutes, and by the time he was halfway through the mojito that Lyor had cajoled him into ordering, he was practically slumped against the table. At this point he was far more interested in the booze than whatever discussion the others were having, and only glanced up when he realised the drone of voices that had become like soothing white noise had halted.

“.....What’re you lookin’ at?” he slurred at their incredulous looks.

Kendra quickly snaked her hand across the table and eased his glass out of his hand before he realised what was happening. “Alright, buddy,” she soothed, “I think you’re done now, yeah? Just gonna put this over here...”

“Uh, no,” Seth tried to snatch his mojito back, but Kendra deftly slid it over to Lyor, who held it out of Seth’s reach. He gaped at the utter betrayal of it all. “This was your idea!” Seth exclaimed, waving a clumsy finger in Kendra’s face.

“I wanted to get you tipsy, not smashed,” she said.

“I just went through a breakup,” Seth muttered. “This is my breakup drink. I’ve earned it.”

“Tomorrow, the corps are going to be expecting a Press Secretary, not a drooling idiot,” Lyor cut in coolly. “Emily too, I imagine-“

“Emily can fuck off.” Seth spat. 

He let his head drop like a stone onto his arms where they were folded on the table. He ignored the awkward silence above him, instead training his eyes on the grain of the wooden table, and the countless scuff marks left by others before him. After a few seconds, he felt a hesitant hand land on his shoulder- Kendra’s, gentle and warm.

“Hey,” Kendra murmured. “I get it. It’s hard, being dumped. Or-“ she frowned, “were you dumped, or....?” Beside her, Lyor let out a sharp laugh. Seth could practically feel the scathing look Kendra threw him.

“What? Oh come on, we all know who dumped who.”

“Actually,” Seth hissed, tilting his head up just enough to send Lyor a withering glare, “I dumped her.”

“Oh,” he blinked, actually sounding surprised. Seth enjoyed catching him off guard for once. “Well, she did say she messed up-“

“She talked to you about this? Of course.” Seth shook his head against his crossed arms, burying his nose in his sleeve. “I just don’t get it,” he mumbled. “We were- I mean, we weren’t perfect, but we had a good thing. A really good thing! I kept trying to make her happy. I...I didn’t pressure her when she said she wanted to take a step back- at least....at least I don’t think I did. I’d already screwed things up between us enough before, so I didn’t wanna risk...”

“Screwed things up?” Kendra asked.

Seth shrugged miserably. “Taking the fall for Mickey, with the drugs, the...the,” he frowned as he searched for the right words, “the drug thingy. You know what I’m talking about, you’re the one who got me out of that mess.” He sighed, “she was, oh, she was angry because I’d comp- compro- let her down. Said that I was expecting special treatment because she’s my boss and I was dating her, and that our relationship put her in an ‘uncomfortable position.’”

“That’s...” Kendra frowned, “I mean, that’s true, technically. It’s why boss-subordinate relationships can be a grey area, morally and legally speaking-“

“Yes! See, this is what I’ve been saying,” Lyor burst out, nodding vehemently.

“-But,” she continued, “that power imbalance isn’t up to the subordinate to rectify, it’s up to the boss. It would be highly improbable that you two would never have professional disagreements that would affect your relationship, or vice versa, which Emily would have known when she started dating you.”

“Well, that’s not how she saw it,” Seth mumbled. “But she was right, I’d made a bad call. And she felt so bad after she told the President to fire me-“

“Why,” Lyor cut in sharply, “would she recommend that you be fired?”

Seth squinted up at him confusedly. “...because I compro....ugh, you know what I mean! I could have fucked things up for the administration? I thought you of all people would understand that.”

Lyor quirked an eyebrow. “No I wouldn’t, because you don’t throw out an entire carton because of one smashed egg.” Seth was about to interrupt and let Lyor know that he was far too drunk to follow along with his ridiculous metaphors, but he continued on too quickly. “And besides, that problem had been wiped out. It was possible that the press would have dug it up while we did nothing- which, well, they didn’t- but you know what would have guarantee media interest? The Press Secretary being fired. That would have been the real threat to the administration.” Lyor shook his head bemusedly. “That was a rookie error, even for someone of her experience level.”

“So let me get this straight,” Kendra said slowly, “Emily, your boss, chose to date you, blamed you for the power imbalance that she was responsible for, and then after your mistake was dealt with, immediately went to the President to have you fired-“

“No, no, not immediately. She waited a few weeks.”

Kendra’s frown deepened. “And she kept you hanging all that time?” She hissed out a long breath. “That’s worse.... Seth, that doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all. I think you made the right choice, ending it.”

“And that,” Lyor’s voice butted in, “is what’s confusing me. You obviously weren’t happy with Emily-“

“I was happy.” Seth insisted.

“...Sure. So you think you were happy with Emily, but you spent all this time massaging the relationship to try and make it work. It doesn’t fix it, and you end things. So why are you angry at her now?”

“Why-? You guys are the ones who think I should be angry at her, since this was apparently such a crappy relationship.”

“If you were that angry about the other things you would have broken up with her then, but you stuck it out. Something obviously changed-“

“I’m angry,” Seth hissed, heaving himself up into a sitting position with a sudden burst of mutinous energy, “because I was always the one trying to make things better for her, and she still cheated on me!”

There was a long beat of silence, as if the whole bar was collectively holding in a breath.

“Fuck.” The curse whistled out of Seth as he sagged. “I wasn’t...I wasn:t supposed to say that. Don’t say anything? Please?”

“Of course not,” Kendra’s reply was instantaneous, curt. Seth could hear tightly constrained venom coiled in her words. Beside her, Lyor nodded stiffly. Without a word, he slid Seth’s drink back across the table. Seth wrapped his hands around it protectively.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“I’m so sorry,” Kendra murmured. He didn’t answer.

Seth completely gave up on participating after that, and it was clear that the night was over. Lyor was watching him and Kendra with a narrowed glance, but Seth couldn’t be bothered to wonder what was going through the guy’s head. After a few seconds, Lyor nodded, knocking on the table to grab their attention.

“I’m leaving now,” he announced abruptly, pointedly directing the words at Kendra. She chewed her lip, giving Seth a sideways glance before looking back at him. They seemed to be having a silent conversation, but Seth ignored it in favour of watching Lyor extract himself from his chair with a noticeable wobble. Seth could only remember Lyor having one drink- he clearly wasn’t one to lecture Seth on getting drunk, the damn lightweight. Kendra took in his swaying form with a critical eye. “Just give us a minute and I’ll drive you home, Lyor,” she admonished.

“I can walk,” he said, shooting her a significant look that Seth was too buzzed to parse. Kendra pursed her lips but didn’t press the issue. Seth watched Lyor totter off through half-lidded eyes. A combination of the alcohol and the emotional unburdening had left him feeling ready to pass out. Music was filtering through from somewhere in the bar, slow, and melancholy, and distantly familiar, and Seth found himself humming along.

“...All my saints have taken bribes, singing going, going gone...”

Kendra was lounging in her seat beside him, their shoulders almost brushing. She was watching him, Seth realised.

“...all the angels taken dives, leaving you the only one....”

Seth sucked in a tired breath. “I don’t feel better,” he admitted quietly.

Kendra sighed a little. “Yeah, I might have overstated the effectiveness of this plan a little bit.”

Seth looked at their table, cluttered with empty glasses. He thought about everything he’d said about Emily, on the night he was supposed to be distracting himself from her. He smiled ruefully. “Maybe I just did it wrong.” He exhaled slowly, letting his eyes finally slip closed. “She’s the guilty one,” he mumbled, “but I’m still the one who can’t get her out of my head. S’not fair.”

“No, it’s not.” 

Seth swallowed down a lump in his throat. “You don’t think I’m....overreacting do you? It was just a kiss.”

“It wasn’t just a kiss.” Even through his closed eyes, Seth could see in his mind’s eye the firm shake of Kendra’s head, the hard set of her jaw, the righteous anger alight in her eyes. “It was a betrayal.” Her voice was a little more hesitant when she continued. “How did you find out?”

Seth chewed on his lip agitatedly as he remembered. “I walked in on her. Them.” He sighed. “It was Aaron.”

“...Shit.”

Seth nearly laughed. “Yeah.”

Kendra was quiet for a long moment. “I’m really sorry.”

“You already said that.”

“Well, I’m saying it again. You deserve...so much more, Seth. I hope you know that.”

Seth cracked his eyes open again, rolling his head to the side to meet Kendra’s eyes. They were blown wide with earnestness, sparkling in the dim light of the bar. He bumped his shoulder against hers. “So do you.”

Her lips quirked minutely. “Me? What do you mean?”

Seth glanced away, somehow feeling more open and exposed than when he’d been talking about Emily. “Well, you..you’re amazing. You should be with someone amazing as well.” Not his most eloquent phrasing, but pretty good for a drunk guy, Seth decided. He cleared his throat hurriedly, grinning abashedly. “I’m still can’t believe you’re single.”

Kendra’s smile was a little strange- not quite sad, but almost there. “Maybe I’m still waiting on the right guy.”

“Make sure you do,” Seth urged. “Because Kendra, you deserve....you deserve everything.”

It was hard to tell, but Seth was pretty sure Kendra was blushing. He could barely tear his eyes away. He wanted to speak again, but the words were stuck in his throat. “Thank you,” he finally managed.

She cocked her head. “I thought this didn’t help?”

“Not just for this,” he shrugged. “For, I don’t know, everything. For being here.”

Her hand found his under the table, and she gave it a squeeze, quick as a heartbeat. “Time to go home?”

Seth tilted his head back, sliding his eyes closed again. This was one of those moments, like that morning in the break room, where Seth wanted to freeze time just to hold onto them a little longer. This one, he decided, he would make last.

“Just a bit longer,” he said softly. “Just until the end of this song.”

They didn’t say anything more, just let the final notes wash over them, getting softer, softer, softer.

“...If I lose a sequence here and there,

and take my time on every stair.

Can I rely on you, when this whole thing is through,

to be for me the everthere.....Everthere.......”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact- what Lyor said about teachers in Siberia getting paid in vodka is actually true!
> 
> Also, the song is ‘Everthere’ by Elbow

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning, this will likely be updated pretty sporadically. I’d like to say it’s because I have a busy life, but really I’m just unfathomably lazy.


End file.
